As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
