you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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