i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
