I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
