the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
People in love make me want to vomit
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
