I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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