o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
