Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I just put wine in my tea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
