wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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