I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so that wasnt chicken after all
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everclear isn't food dammit
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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