ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
