i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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