i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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