I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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