does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
