I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
