He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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