I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
