omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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