plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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