Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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