Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
