don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
