omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
