We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
