so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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