'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
