I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
