my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
40s are totally the cure
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
