Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
