i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
