I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A bitchslap is in order.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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