I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
