Porn is love you can see.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
