it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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