Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize