I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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