don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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