There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
