toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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