Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize