omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
