you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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