just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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