I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
