everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
