oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
