Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
