My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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