apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
