Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
