he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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