So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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