dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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