i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
