Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
