Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
