Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
