if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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